Editors Notes: This article was taken down after being initially posted by unauthorized individuals. In the interest of transparency it is reposted following the normal process of review and editing – addressing grammatical and spelling issues. There are other versions of this document available directly from the author, and I encourage interested individuals to seek him out and discuss your questions with him directly.
Further note – this is one side of a many sided discussion. Other sides have been shared with the administrators of all Member Clans. The release of any or all of those stories is something that will be decided by that body. -end Editor’s Notes-
By the time you read this, I will have already stepped down from my position as a Dadmin of the DoD. I will most likely have left the Dads of Destiny altogether as well. It couldn’t be helped. I started writing these so that you all could get a glimpse behind the curtain of what goes through a Dadmin’s head, to show that we are still human, that we still struggle as you do, that we are just normal men. I’m afraid I haven’t been totally honest with you all. I kept a pretty face on what it truly means to be a Dadmin, because public image is everything. Well, it’s time you all knew the truth of the matter.
Being a Dadmin is messy business. I don’t mean that in the sense that we do shady things, so don’t go getting any ideas that we’re truly the sinister six. I’m more referring to the cost that being a Dadmin comes with. To be up at the top, to be responsible for the entire DoD community, not just a single clan or even a few, but all of them, requires more than the average person would guess. You have to be dedicated. Determined. Committed. Stalwart. It takes a level of submersion into the world of the DoD that not many get. To keep this thing afloat has not been cheap. Again, not referring to monetary costs, though those were there too.
“To be up at the top, to be responsible for the entire DoD community, not just a single clan or even a few, but all of them, requires more than the average person would guess.”
Over the last year and a half, I have been a Dadmin. I started with the team when there were 16 of us and remained until that number dwindled to 6. There were a lot of reasons for the others leaving, not enough time anymore, disagreements with either the other Dadmins or the founder, deciding that the hassle just wasn’t worth it anymore, or even that they wanted to strike out on their own with the lessons and skills they had learned while being in charge. Whatever the reasons, we ended up with 6. During that time, while putting on a good face for the community so that you would all feel comfortable coming to me with any problem you had, the rest of my life suffered.
First to get hit was work. Keeping up with the ever moving, fast-paced gaming-world takes time. It takes checking messages fifteen to thirty times a day, reading through logs of conversations that you missed, or spending an hour resolving whatever the newest issue is. Constantly being on your phone at work is generally frowned upon. Not to mention when something in the community damages your mood, it damages the mood for the whole of your life, not just when you’re dealing with the DoD. That meant that my attention to the finer points of my work started to falter. My attention was always divided. My morale would take sudden dips, producing subpar results in the workplace. Above all though, being connected to so many at one time, I couldn’t help but feel like the work I did to make money paled in comparison to the work I did for the Community. I went through too many jobs and money has been tight the entire time. Just to clarify, and maybe put to rest some rumors, the Dadmins get no pay, no kickbacks, no incentives. The money we make comes from a 9-5 job of some kind. Not the DoD. Not that we weren’t hoping to someday be able to quit the day jobs, get paid by the DoD, and do what we do for you all full time. That just never happened.
Next came my family. The amount of time required to be actually good at our jobs means that sometimes we are attached to our phones at a birthday party, or while on vacation, or on our days off. I can’t speak for the others, though I’m pretty sure they were in the same boat as me, but my marriage has suffered greatly. Many times my wife asked me to just walk away, spend less time on it, let someone else do the work. I couldn’t manage to do that though. I was always stuck with my nose in my phone, building relationships and strengthening clan ties to the DoD. Working on some new content or new idea for the members. Trying to settle some dispute or rewrite portions of our regulations to better address a new issue that had recently been dealt with. I’ve missed part of my children’s youth. About a year’s worth. And I never batted an eye at it because in the end, I am a hypocrite. The core tenants of the Dads of Destiny are: Family, Work, Gaming. My family had to come last, my work had to come second, and my gaming time ceased to exist for the most part. It is not, as far as I have observed by everyone that has held the title, possible to be a Dadmin for the Dads of Destiny and still live out our core tenants. Not if the good of the community is the goal. Not a single Dadmin has figured out that balance to this day that I am aware of. Needless to say, the fact that my wife is still with me is a miracle at this point.
The final one to get ruined was my game time. I cannot tell you how many folks love messing with me because of my low level on Destiny, or because I miss scheduled game sessions that the clans do. When I did have some free time to play, I generally ended up playing with randoms or by myself. I found out recently that a lot of members refuse to play with a Dadmin out of fear that something could happen to negatively impact their position within the DoD. That’s total bull, but I guess I understand it. The stress to be careful of what I said, to whom I said it, and in what tone was always at the back of my mind – reminding me that I represent the DoD whenever I game. It’s exhausting to be honest.
Now, I hope that if you’ve made it this far you haven’t written me off as a whiner. I’m not complaining, I’m not blaming anyone but myself for the amount of focus I’ve put into the Dads of Destiny. I never did my job with an expectation of recompense. I did it because you guys are all amazing. Because I love hearing the great stories and seeing all of you work together to support one another. I just wanted to give a candid view of what my life turned into.
Lots of bad was wrapped in the former leadership of the DoD (namely with one individual) – so I decided that instead of staying where I was just always angry and in a bad mood, I needed to change the scenes and move to a place where I wanted to. This has been a long time coming. Myself and a few others who were in senior admin roles tried to keep it together, but once we realized that our advice and efforts were really being ignored, and in some cases taken advantage of, we lost a lot of the drive that was keeping us there. I had promised them that we would have a Breathe Easy for this year – but that was where my role would need to stop. So I just took the opportunity to say thank you to those who were still willing to listen and then excused myself. Which, silver lining, means that I have more time to focus on things that I enjoy. Like the lore with FFC and just helping others out with their different projects. A lot of the issues stemmed from the foundation of the leadership structure and some folks that were placed there that honestly shouldn’t have been. They either wouldn’t work, gave excuses, or refused to work as a team unless it meant that they got to take part in the winning ventures. They were doing more damage than good, but had such tenure that trying to fight them for control would have made this mess even worse. Since I didn’t want to destroy the community in a nasty custody battle that would have left everyone ugly and bruised, it was easier and in the best interest of everyone to remove myself and let them show their true colors on their own.
If you ever need me, any of you and for any reason, send me a message over Xbox Live or PSN, (KaiCiunus), and I will be there. I wish you all the best and I hope to see you in the digital world.
Christopher “KaiCiunus” Olguin